The Context
Motivation is a strange phenomenon. Some of us believe the only way to make ourselves do things is through criticism. Unless we are harsh and unkind, keeping ourselves on their toes, we will become complacent, selfish and lazy. Key word in that inner monologue is, lazy. Very dangerous language. Because in most cases, laziness isn't real. It's just us making ourselves feel guilty about self care. Turns out, though, there are many other ways to motivate action. Life giving, gentle ways that don’t include name calling.
The Tool
Loveme
LOVEME — Responding to a personal weakness or professional failure with compassion
There’s a popular study from a social psychology bulletin about how compassion actually increases improvement more than criticism. It flies in the face of widespread concern that people’s compassion turned inward might increase complacency and undermined people’s motivation to correct mistakes. But the doctors found that taking an accepting approach to personal failure actually made people more motivated to improve themselves. Responding to a moral transgression, personal weakness, or failure with compassion compelled participants to take action to get better. By loving themselves first, and not labeling themselves as lazy or something worse, the inevitable roadblocks, setbacks and rejections of life become less scary. Now, if you’re the kind of person for whom threats and punishments are the greatest motivator to getting things done, then god bless. Do whatever works for you. However, if you’re someone who is struggling to move your story forward, consider this exercise. Think about the person in your life who is the most kind, forgiving and compassionate to themselves and others. How’s their productivity? Do they follow through on their dreams? And do they seem fulfilled as a result? If so, then maybe they’re onto something. Maybe telling yourself that you suck, and that you should just go fuck the fuck off isn’t the smartest or healthiest strategy for growth.
The Rest
Point being, we have not solved this universal human conundrum of motivation with one strategy. But anytime we can free ourselves of the burden of shame and find better, healthier sources of motivation, that’s a good thing for everyone. When was the last time you took inventory of your motivations?
The Benefits
Free yourself of the burden of shame
Find better, healthier sources of motivation
Spur creative action in a gentle, life giving way
Lower fear of obstacles, setbacks and rejections of doing great work