We can’t control how others experience our joy

Joy is a funny thing.

It’s a fundamental human emotion that can provoke a wide spectrum of responses from others.

First, there’s inspiration.

Seeing someone genuinely enjoying themselves is an elixir. Witnessing individuals who are brave enough to allow themselves the weakness of being happy, you think to yourself, wow, there’s someone living their best life, good for them.

Another response is envy.

If you notice a person chasing their joy, losing themselves in the moment, it’s a mirror to your own life. Seeing them wearing their joy like a brand on their forehead for all to see makes you think to yourself, damn, I wish I was that happy, maybe it’s time for a change.

The other response is contempt.

In the presence of people conscious of nothing but the sudden stab of joy they feel, your anger and disgust are triggered. You’re deeply suspicious of their delight. It’s morally appropriate and selfish. You think to yourself, who the hell does that person think they are to shine so bright when there’s so much darkness in the world?

Each response to joy is normal and human and understandable. People have a right to their feelings.

And our challenge is not letting those feelings degrade our own experience. Accepting that we can’t control how others experience our joy, and continuing to chase our bliss anyway.

Roger Ebert, the only film critic in my estimation who actually became an artist in his own right, describes this experience in his book of four star reviews from his career. This volume is not only a masterclass in filmmaking, but a tome of joy. Here’s the review that stood out to me most:

Some movies are operatic in their ambition. Directors are in love with every shot, intoxicated with the very act of making a movie. They don’t apologize for their exuberance or shield themselves with irony against suspicions of sincerity.

Tell me that doesn’t sound sublime.

Whether we make films or not, aspiring to that level of joy in our creative endeavors is a worthy goal. Especially since there’s no longer a guarantee of being successful, being liked or even being noticed for our work.

There’s simply too much stuff out there. Anyone who creates anything competes with everything.

Therefore, joy has to become our insurance policy. It’s the dividend we get paid regardless of the outcome. The minimum viable return on our investment.

Without that, we’re hanging our hearts on some mighty narrow pegs.

What creative act would you do for free every day even if nobody but you would ever see it?