Trust that our thinking is the place we find our freedom

I have the absolute right to think anything that occurs to me.

I don’t have to play nice inside my head. I will not feel embarrassed about my own thoughts, nor will I harm myself by turning against them.

If there’s a politically profane, socially heretical, or morally problematic idea that abruptly pops into my head, then there’s nothing wrong with me. My mind is my own. It belongs to me.

Unlike having a mortgage, where you don’t really own your house, the bank does, my inner world is my property. It’s mine. It’s a part of my identity.

It may not be perfect, but nobody can take it away from me.

Unless a surgeon involuntarily restrains me to a gurney and performs and frontal lobotomy, or if the mob kidnaps me and stuffs psychoactive drugs down my throat that trigger delusional psychosis, I can pretty much think anything I want, at any time. There’s no government agency whose mission is to suppress my ideas which deviate from the way of thinking that they believe to be correct.

Isn’t that profoundly empowering?

It certainly is to me. Particularly in our oversensitive, hyper offended society where, apparently, there are questions I’m not allowed to ask, words I’m not allowed to say, and ideas I’m not allowed to express.

Maybe that’s why it feels so healthy and liberating to think whatever I want. Doing so makes me feel super connected to my core self in a uniquely satisfying way. When I become enraged and think violent thoughts, for example, that’s fine. I know that it provides me with a measure of protection against the dangers of erupting into actual violence in the real world.

I am highly unlikely to actually murder anyone.

And so, I reduce my rage, hostility and disgust by first experiencing those feelings honestly inside my head. It’s fun. Because I trust there’s no need to do so in reality.

Psychologists often refer to these moments as waking fantasies. Elective experiences to be pursued and celebrated by choice. Where the focus isn’t about getting rid of the mental hot potato, but releasing it and using it to grow into a more constructive and less angry version of ourselves.

Do you have the absolute right to think anything that occurs to you? Are you giving yourself permission to be your real self in a perfectly ethical way?

If so, then calmness will ensue. My therapist friend, who works with obsessive compulsive patients, says she tells people this:

Anytime you have a random thought that’s bizarre or inappropriate, do the math. Remind yourself that this thought is simply one of the seventy thousand electrical impulses that fired off in your brain today. Trust that it’s not who you are. Trust that it has no bearing on your intentions and moral character. And trust that it doesn’t represent a real desire to act. You’re merely product of your brain’s constant motion, and sometimes what it produces is inexplicably horrifying.

Now, compare that inner monologue with the alternative that most people choose. Panicked efforts to avoid and suppress their thoughts. That only makes things worse.

Criticizing ourselves for being human? That only keeps compassion off the table.

This type of relationship with our inner life is not doing us any favors. Show me someone who doesn’t allow themselves to think whatever they want, and I’ll show you an uncreative, uneasy and unsatisfied person.

It makes me think about a song I wrote several years ago that was, without a doubt, the most violent piece of art I ever created. Something about the song’s rhythm, melody and lyrics were more vicious than any previous work.

I’ll never forget the first time I performed it publicly. I legitimately surprised and scared myself. When I belted out that first chorus, the observer in the back of my mind watching the concert looked up from his beer and say:

Holy crap dude, I didn’t know you were capable of getting that angry.

Hey, me neither. It was a big day for both of us. Good thing I gave myself permission to just let her rip. I wouldn’t have wanted to keep all of that venom inside.

Plus, that song broke the emotional levee. Now I have no problem writing music about even the most disturbing or uncomfortable topics. Music has become an arena of authentic expression where I don’t have to be accountable to anyone’s moral code. Not even my own.

If my ideas deviate from the way of thinking that the world believes to be correct, that’s their problem. It’s only a thought. It’s not hurting anyone.

Look, we’re all human beings, so we all have our politically profane, socially heretical or morally problematic ideas running through our minds.

But it’s not a question of getting over them, getting rid of them, or even getting in a debate with them.

In my experience, sometimes the only way out is through. We go beyond simply tolerating unfamiliar and uncivilized impulses; we ride them all the way through to the other side.

And who knows? Maybe we’ll meet an entirely new version of ourselves once we arrive.

Remember, the reality of our brains is, we will always have thoughts. Our mind is not some workplace inbox, where we’re trying to get to thought zero.

And understandably, there are plenty of thoughts that don’t serve us, and we should consciously move our energies away from such impulses. But let’s not judge ourselves too harshly for these crazy movies our minds show.

Playing nice inside our heads isn’t always the path to fulfillment.

Sometimes we need to play dirty. Prison rules.

We need to trust that our thinking is the place we find our freedom, and say the things we believe we’re not allowed to express.

If your thought was merely one of seventy thousand electrical impulses that fired off in your brain today, why not have some fun with it?