Praise the lord and pass the sugar

There are more than four thousand religions in the world, with new ones being added every year.

And those are only the religions we know about. The total number is probably much higher.

But considering how many faiths there are, it seems to me that at this point in our history, starting your own religion would be a fairly straightforward proposition. Based on my research of the history of faith based movements in the world, here’s the basic order of operations you would have to follow.

Choose a god.
Pick a prophet.
Perform a miracle.
Inherit sacred knowledge.
Settle on a name.
Adopt a symbol.
Agree on a sacrifice.
Design the rituals.
Determine your enemies.
Ordain the elders.
Establish the power structure.
Outline the dogma.
Write a bible.
Construct a temple.
Select a funny hat.
Decide on a brand identity.
Start a website.
Apply for nonprofit tax exemption.
Establish your articles of formation.
Get an employer identification number.
Recruit a following.
Spread the gospel.
Find a meeting place.
Establish a worship cadence.
Serve the larger community.
Advertise, advertise, advertise.
Convert anyone with a pulse.

And we will see you in the afterlife!

Now, it’s easier said than done. Starting a religion is quite the significant undertaking. That’s why I enjoy brainstorming solutions to help people speed up that process.

The first one is for people who don’t really care for organized religion, don’t want to create their own, but they still want to benefit from the positive parts of the many faiths. No problem.

Religionenuff will be a nonprofit education organization that helps people who disagree with organized faiths to effectively steal the best parts of all religions to create one huge transcontinental non theistic philosophy. We will even hold a nondenominational gathering for atheists and other heathens to attend once a week. Come to sing, connect, fellowship and do service for their community. Members aren’t required to believe in anything other than their own loneliness.

Meet your spiritual needs without direct divine involvement. Religionenuff helps you cherry pick the good out of god.

Tell me that organization wouldn’t thrive.

Now, perhaps you’re not a joiner. More of the loner type who doesn’t play by anybody’s rules, not even your own.

Boy have we got something special for you. And so, let’s take a step back for a moment.

Where does the word religion originate? Latin dictionaries will use the term religio, which means, to link back to.

That’s the upfront step in creating your own religion. Figuring out the thing in your life that every other thing in your life links back to.

Your religion is the broad psychological framework for making sense of the maddening complexities of our complicated and arbitrary world.

What’s your version of that?

As a case study, my personal creativity management software is a form of religion. It even states that clearly on our frequently asked questions page.

Is this a religion?

You’re goddamn right it is.

And this isn’t me trying to be funny, either. Prolific may be a web app, but make no mistake, it’s also my religion. Prolific is my own creative response to the mysteries that permeate my life. Prolific helps me to reconnect what has been disconnected and heal what has been divided. It’s a system that supplies me with comfort and meaning while I recognize, hold and transform my own suffering.

If people want to join, they can do so for a nominal annual fee, and receive tons of exclusive benefits.

Is this idea so blasphemous? Are we to believe that in a world with more than four thousand religions, there’s no room for one more?

Perhaps the lesson here is not how to start your own religion, but how to give yourself permission to think big enough about the world so that starting a religion isn’t out of the realm of possibility.

That sounds like a useful investment of your time on this earth.

Praise the lord and pass the sugar.

What’s the thing in your life that every other thing in your life links back to?