The identity mosaic

Identity is a complex, dynamic and multifaceted entity.

And it’s not evenly distributed. Who we are as unique individuals rests at the nexus of a vast number of dynamic and interwoven factors.

Whitman’s immortal mantra, I am large, I contain multitudes, is not an understatement.

The interesting question to ask is, in the mosaic of our lives, composed of these diverse and distinct tiles:

Which pieces are most prominent? And how do they come together to form a cohesive whole that affects our overall sense of self?

Psychologists have been researching this process for decades. In many of the studies, researchers create scales to help people determine the relative prominence of the various facets of their identity. I read a paper about how geek subculture had become more mainstream in the last ten years.

Scientists interviewed attendees at a dragon convention last year that attracted an attendance of over sixty thousand community members.

Sixty thousand. Seems that breathing fire is a core part of many people’s identities. Awesome.

And what fascinated me most was the usefulness of the tool. Scientists found that measuring the degree to which group membership contributed to people’s identity was useful. Scales allowed them to gain greater insight into what aspects of their identity were most significant to them, and how they shaped their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors accordingly.

This understanding ultimately help them fosters personal growth and improve wellbeing by aligning their actions and choices with their values. Even more awesome.

How nuanced is your understanding of yourself? Have you ever weighed the relative prominence of the many facets of your identity?

If not, here’s a tool that’s been helpful for me. I call it the identity mosaic. There’s four components.

Importance, description, impact and connection.

Below I will unpack each one, using two disparate elements of my own identity, vegetarianism and songwriting.

Starting with importance.

Is being a vegetarian central to my identity? Is it a major part of who I am? Not particularly.

Important to me? Absolutely.

Eating a mostly plant based diet makes me feel nourished, healthy and disciplined, and this decision has had a positive influence on my life. To the point that I regret not quitting meat sooner.

But despite this choice, I am not attending protests, marching in parades, or advocating for animal rights and rainforest conservation. I’m not against any of those activities per se, it’s simply that vegetarianism is neither here nor there to me, morally and philosophically. It’s purely a health decision.

Compare that diet example to being a songwriter.

Which is not only important to me, but something that defines me as a human being, at the soul level. It is core to my existence.

The songwriter in me is one of the biggest, boldest and shiniest facets of my identity. Been doing it for over thirty years now, and it has brought incalculable amounts of joy, meaning, connection and creative fulfillment. Music brings me different kind of nourishment, and it’s uniquely important to my life in a way that diet is not.

The second tile in the identity mosaic is description.

After you identify something’s relative importance, the next step is to think about how it manifests interpersonally. Because the self is a socially constructed entity. We are who we are based on how people react to us.

For example, would I describe myself to others as a vegetarian? Am I proud of being a vegetarian?

Well, if my neighbor invites my wife and I over for dinner and asks us if I have any dietary preferences or restrictions, then absolutely. Referring to myself as a vegetarian is going to make the evening more enjoyable for me and the host.

However, when I first gave up eating meat, did I throw a coming out party? Did I make an announcement on social media and change my bio at the top of the page to include the word vegetarian?

No. I simply ate less and less meat, until I eventually phased it out completely, and moved on with my life. End of story.

Songwriting, on the other hand, is my number one favorite way to describe myself. I love the look on people’s faces when they find out that I write music. I treat it as a privilege to perform my songs for friends, family members and strangers alike.

I earned that designation after thirty years of disciplined work, and don’t take that label lightly.

Tile number three in the identity mosaic is impact.

This exercise is fascinating because it forces you to think about your life in the absence of something you value. That’s the barometer for how big the identity tile in your mosaic is.

Case in point. If I stopped participating in vegetarian activities, would I feel like I’m not the same person? Could I imagine my life without my vegetarian interests and activities?

I mean, I do love the current version of myself that focuses his diet on plants and nonanimal proteins. Not waking up with a barbecue hangover is preferential, now that I have been to the top of the tofu mountain and back. And I intend to maintain this diet as long as it makes sense for me.

But while my body would feel different if I started reintroducing meat, I’m not sure that doing so would be an identity crisis. There would be some cognitive dissonance there, but it’s not like I would eat a steak and then freak out because I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I would be the same guy, just with more indigestion.

Meanwhile, if I suffered a tragic car accident and had both of my limbs amputated at the elbow and could no longer play guitar, then I might go insane. That’s impact.

Finally, let’s talk about connection.

Identity is interconnected with the fundamental human longing for belonging. Once we know who and what we are, it’s much easier to feel at home in the world. We can leverage our different facets of belonging as inroads to social bonds.

Vegetarianism is a prime example. There are millions of people who consider themselves to be part of the vegetarian culture. Being involved and associated with that community provides them a deep sense of belongingness.

I think that’s wonderful, and I’m so happy people have that.

Personally, I enjoy talking with people who share my dietary preferences. Traveling to cities and countries that offer veggie friendly cuisine makes me feel relieved and grateful. Although I can’t say that I derive too much sense of self from my perceived membership any vegetarian social group. I don’t attend the weekly support group meetings for veggies unite, carnivore confessional, grassroots grubber, or meat mourners anonymous.

But I am a member of a songwriting club. We meet gather twice a week for an hour of virtual coworking time. We offer lyric ideas, share our demo tapes on the community message board, and also keep each other inspired and encouraged along our respective creative practices.

That’s connection. Those are my people.

Funny thing is, most of them I don’t know very well or at all, but I don’t have to. We know each other’s music, and that’s enough to socially bond our identities together.

In sum, this is the identity mosaic. Importance, description, impact and connection.

It’s the perfect framework to weigh he relative prominence of the many facets of your identity. The best part is, there’s no wrong or right. It’s simply a matter of degree.

And that’s the kind of holistic approach each of us should take with this complex and dynamic thing called the self. Since we contain multitudes, it’s worth understanding their nuances.

Doing so can only help us more authentically shape our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

And ultimately become more fulfilled.

In the mosaic of your life, composed of many diverse and distinct tiles, which pieces are most prominent for you right now?