Gaining an emotional anchor during difficult times

Here’s an interesting thought experiment.

What do the all of the following words have in common?

Satisfaction, meaning, wonder, motivation, inspiration, attitude, purpose, fulfillment, permission, security, creativity, belonging.

Did you figure it out yet?

The answer is, they all come from within. None of these things can be found anywhere outside of us. They only manifest when we connect to that which comes from self. It’s the love we can never lose, the love that nobody can take hostage.

Psychologists have a term for this called internal locus of control. It’s the belief that we are the prime influencers of our own state of being. What we seek, it’s not out there somewhere in the vast reaches of darkness. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We already have everything we need to create the life we want.

And once we learn to tap into that source, we gain an emotional anchor that helps us remain firm and stable and focused, even during adverse or hopeless conditions.

The hard part is the trust. That’s the drop off point for the vast majority of people. They haven’t honed their internal locus of control yet. If you find yourself in that camp, here are several suggestions for recovering a sense of reliance on your core self.

When you achieve a victory of any size, immediately recite mantras to yourself that reaffirm your own efficacy. Celebrate the fact that you won and let the joy wash over you. And tell yourself how you believe the success was in part due to your efforts, experience and hard work. Applaud yourself for being responsible for what was made of challenging circumstances.

Another strategy is, when you experience failure or rejection, combine compassion with commitment. Acknowledge your disappointment and frustration without beating yourself up. Then use that tension as springboard to move your story forward. Think about three immediate actions you can take to make yourself better positioned for success for next time.

Both of these exercises involve the realization and acknowledgement that you always have a choice, even if those choices aren’t ideal. They will remind you that your actions have a direct effect on your life and that outcomes depend on nobody but you.

And in fact, there’s a widely cited study from a psychology journal that shows those with an internal locus of control, that is, they feel that they control their own destiny, rather than their fate being largely determined by external forces, tend to be happier, less depressed, and less stressed.

Doesn’t mean they’re completely free of physical sufferings, illnesses or disabilities; doesn’t mean they always getting along well everybody; doesn’t mean they’re totally free of worries and hardships; and doesn’t mean they’re always of sound, healthy mental states.

But the probability is lower. And that’s about the best you can hope for in this life. Promoting the conditions by which happiness is most likely to flourish.

Where’s your locus of control right now? Are you someone who believes they can move obstacles, implement a plan and direct your future outcomes?

If so, congrats. Because the more aware you are of the times that you are exerting your own control over a situation, the better your life gets.

It happens more than you think. Your ability to improve your own condition isn’t as out of reach as your mind tells you it is.

How will you develop an improved sense of discerning reality?