Combatting entropy with anticipatory service

Asking for help is hard.

And often times the people who need our help the most are the least forthcoming with their requests.

This is where emotional intelligence comes in handy. Sometimes we have to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes to imagine what they might need from us.

The front desk manager at the luxury hotel I used work at called this practice anticipatory service. And while it doesn’t work one hundred percent of the time, when it does, people are deeply relieved and appreciative. There’s very rarely a downside.

Here’s how it works.

Say your coworker gives a presentation during your monthly team meeting about an exciting new project they’re launching. At the close of the session, they announce they will be following up with each team member individually to get their input.

Now, in some cases, that outreach will never happen. Other tasks may take priority, your coworker might forget that they made a promise, or the project might get scrapped completely.

Whatever happens, you may never know the reason somebody didn’t reach out and ask for your help.

But that’s business for ya. Some opportunities simply fade away like farts in the wind. Happens every day in the working world, and it’s often outside our sphere of control.

However, if you’re willing to practice anticipatory service and risk annoying someone with your initiative, here’s what you can try to combat the entropy.

Instead of waiting for people to ask you to collaborate with them on their project, be more proactive.

Send a message telling about how you appreciate how swamped they are right now. Explain how you’d love to help to move things forward with their project. Then write out the various skills and ideas you have that might contribute to reaching their goals. Finally, finish up by saying you’ll be ready whenever they are, or if that doesn’t happen, that’s okay too.

I make a habit of doing this with my team on a regular basis, and the vast majority of the time, the anticipatory service is appreciated. Even if it’s not always activated.

Besides, that’s not the point. Not every idea you offer will be helpful, but the act of helping will make you feel a sense of usefulness, connection and satisfaction. And that’s something you actually do have control over.

To quote the manager at my hotel once again, they are never going to do it, they will love that you did it for them.

That’s the way we need to learn to think about collaborating on a team. The results will be whatever they will be, but the actual practice of anticipatory service it is where the benefit is.

Now, there is one caveat with this technique is. Be careful not to become oppressively helpful.

That narcotic codependent thrill of scooping other people out of their troubles is extremely tempting. It is possible to add too much value to others, which can have the opposite effect of what you’re intending to do in the first place.

Sometimes I make this mistake when trying to help others. I often have to step back and make sure I haven’t made an agreement to work harder on someone’s problem than they do.

One question that helps me set that boundary goes like this:

Is it your place to fix this?

Most of the time, it’s not.

Hell, if it was within our capacity to fix people’s lives, then would have done so a long time ago.

Our bigger goal, then, is getting in the habit of empathizing with people’s struggles, offering support in a way that’s not oppressively helpful, and making sure we don’t take ownership over another person’s problems.

If we hold that intention during our collaborations, there’s no reason we can’t do great work together.

Remember, asking for help is hard, accepting it is harder, but making sure we’re not giving too much of it is hardest.

What’s your version of anticipatory service?