The appreciation compensation paradox

There are certain things in life which are often appreciated, but rarely rewarded.

Take a trait like ambition. Who doesn’t appreciate the strong desire to achieve through hard work? Having someone on the team who is willing to go the extra mile to get tasks right, what a blessing.

There’s just no money it. Nobody gets a bump in salary because they kept their head down, stayed at the office late every night and outperformed their peers. It’s nice story we’re told when we’re young, and movies and television make ambition look aspirational.

But I often wonder if the harder we work, the more invisible we become in the workplace. Even if we’re lucky enough to be recognized, the reward for good work is typically more work, not more money.

It’s funny, I read this recent study that surveyed a thousand adults, and sixty seven percent of them claimed hard work was very important to them.

But back in the late nineties, the same survey from the same researchers reported the number to be a whopping eighty three percent.

Perhaps the value of ambition isn’t what it used to be. People have started to realize that our nations cherished puritanical myth of hard work isn’t what it used to be, and they’re adjusting accordingly.

I’ve been ambitious my entire life, and one lesson I’ve learned is that ambition can gross people out. It triggers resentment. People perceive us as holding a big candle to their face, just so their darkness looks more pitch black in comparison.

But it’s all just a projection. People are seeing in us what is not operating well within them.

Reminds me of an old coworker at the agency I used to work at. In my first month of employment, we all went around the room, pitching ideas for an upcoming public awareness campaign.

Now, I have always found quantity begets quality, so I had five ideas. After sharing, this guy pulled me aside and said:

Scott, you already got the job. Chill out.

Wow, so much for being rewarded for ambition.

Similar to ambition, efficiency is another one of those traits that is often appreciated, but rarely rewarded.

And it’s ironic, because being efficient is a billion dollar industry. Sadly, the dividends aren’t paid out to the right people. There’s thousands of software apps claiming to give professionals the tools to become more productive and transform how they work.

I’ve used dozens of them, but in my experience, the only parties who benefit financially from increased efficiency are the companies that create the apps.

I never got a raise for finishing an entire week’s worth in six hours. Mostly just the stink eye from people who worked slower than me. No boss of mine has ever said, holy cow, you did more work your first month at this job than most people do in a year. Can you host a training session to share your best practices with the rest of the slowpoke idiots on this team?

I’ve had jobs at marketing agencies, tech startups and privately held companies, and there hasn’t been a single manager of mine who hasn’t warned me to slow down. Write slower. Do less.

Wow. Apologies for being efficient. Won’t happen again, sir. I promise to perform my job in more tedious and exhausting ways.

Ultimately, this mindset is a relic of the industrial revolution and the eight hour workday.

Do the factory math.

I get paid hourly. My job is to make widgets. There is only a set number of widget orders each week. The more efficiently and faster I work, the less money I make. Any questions? Good.

Finally, here’s the last trait to watch. Generosity. T

his is a big one for me. My two love languages are gift giving and acts of service, and so, it’s in my nature to give away my time, talents, ear, encouragement, and knowledge, as often as possible. It’s a source of deep fulfillment for me.

But a hard lesson I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is, no matter how much and how intensely I give, I can’t control how my generosity is received. And that vulnerability is terrifying.

It’s cold out there when you’re standing in front of a group of people with your balls hanging out and a gift in your hand. They look at my kindness offering not as a gift, but as a bribe, a burden, or a test.

Even if people do appreciate my generosity, there’s rarely a payout.

Now, a person of faith might say, well that’s okay, the glory of god is displayed through your gift. Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in heaven.

Cool, but I’m not really the skydaddy type. Maybe life would be less frustrating if I was. But here we are.

I’ll never forget the first time I made guacamole for my entire office. A third of my coworkers were thrilled and ate it immediately. A third of my coworkers ignored me. And a third of my coworkers looked at me like I was trying to poison them.

That last one was unexpected. I mean, I know cilantro is a polarizing herb, but this was ridiculous.

You should have seen the looks on people’s faces. I could almost hear the snide comments inside their heads.

This guy? Why is he chopping onions while the rest of us are working? Does he think making guacamole for happy hour is going to get him a promotion? Tell you what, bro, take your avocados and stick them straight up your ass.

Have you ever experienced a negative reaction to your generosity? Isn’t it the strangest thing?

It’s like an inkblot test for the emotional maladjusted. If you guilelessly offer a kindness to someone, and their gut reaction is paranoia and confusion, they should be in therapy.

In sum, we have uncovered three character traits, ambition, efficiency and generosity, that seem to be often appreciated, but rarely rewarded.

Now the question becomes, how do we respond to this cold reality of life? Do we get pissed at the world for ignoring our efforts?

I’ve tried that myself, and it’s not only exhausting and unproductive, but it turns you into a cynical person throwing a pity party nobody wants to be invited to.

Option two is doubling down and demanding the reciprocation you’re entitled to. You mount a campaign for all the rewards you deserve and earned the right to have. I’ve tried that as well, and while it’s initially satisfying using anger as fuel, it doesn’t burn clean. The expectations choke out any sense of calm.

Another possible response to the appreciation without compensation issue is to plain give up. To stop engaging with the world, opt out of the game entirely and disappear into a world inside your own head where nobody can touch you.

Again, tried it. Felt soothing for a while, but it’s not sustainable. Too antisocial.Using my defiance and stubbornness to buy independence and loneliness is bad economy.

This leaves us with a final option. When it comes to our ambition, efficiency and generosity, we take responsibility for our intentions and actions, and let go of the rest.

Whatever happens, happens. If hard work doesn’t earn us more money, then we need to find a way to compensate ourselves otherwise. Perhaps with the experience, the learning and the growth. Or at the very least, the knowledge that we can work hard when we need to, which is a valuable survival skill.

Same goes for efficiency. If we finish all of our tasks by lunch, and nobody on the team rewards us for that effort, fine. Then we compensate ourselves otherwise. We take a phycological salary bump in the form of pride, meaning making, and fulfillment.

If nothing else, we just proved to ourselves that if being productive is possible in this one area of our life, and that skill can port over anywhere else we choose.

Lastly, if our generosity is rejected, ignored or met with suspicion, then we take it as a sign that these people are idiots, because everyone knows guacamole is the bomb.

All we can do is be grateful that we had the chance to be the carrier of love, and move on to the next gift.

How are you navigating the appreciation without compensation paradox?